Men Aren’t Jerks: Garrett

This post is meant to supplement my hypothesis that men aren’t jerks. Read the original post.

Garrett and I met on Valentine’s Day in a bar in my college town. He was still in school (I had recently graduated), clicked, made out, and exchanged numbers. We talked a few times until the end of the semester. About a year later, he friend requested me on Myspace (back when Myspace was cool) and we kept in touch as friends (I was dating someone else). Garrett was in the Army, so he was away in the Middle East and we wrote each other a lot (especially after it didn’t work out with the ‘someone else’). When he was done with his 2 year tour, he made plans to visit me in California.

- He flew me up to Seattle, where he lived, twice.

- We talked a lot. He sent me romantic texts. He confided in me all his experiences overseas.

- He told me he appreciated me writing him and that he would never forget it, no matter what happened with us.

- The second visit to Seattle, he told me he had a lot on his plate. He acted distant. Introduced me as his “friend.”

- Eventually, he stopped calling.

Why he did what he did:

He didn’t know what he wanted.

How he could have handled it better:

He should have just flat out told me – I don’t want a girlfriend right now. He had just gotten back from spending almost two years of his life in a hellhole, was adjusting to life back in the States, and yes, he did have a lot on his plate.  But with everything we had been through, he should have just been honest with me and told me that he didn’t want a relationship right now and that anything he could offer now wouldn’t be fair to me. Instead, he did the classic “fade away” which was the coward thing to do.

What I found out later:

He emailed me about a year and a half after the last time we saw each other. Said he was sorry. Said he realized he was wrong and that he hopes that I have found someone better than him. I had moved on, but it was nice to hear that he realized how unfair he was.

Lesson Learned:

Don’t confuse a romantic story with real romance. Don’t hold onto someone who doesn’t communicate fully with you on how they feel. Don’t be with anyone who isn’t being fair to you, no matter how much you want it to work out.

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